


I Wish

by Meggnog



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Cancer, I owe an apology to the les mis fandom, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, because this is really unreasonably sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 12:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meggnog/pseuds/Meggnog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras wishes a lot of things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like writing something sad. I'm so sorry for inflicting this upon the world.

"Jesus Christ, Grantaire! Can you go through /one/ meeting without interrupting me with your drunken nonsense? You're truly pathetic, you know that? Either listen or stop wasting mine and all of our time!" 

I wish I'd told you I didn't mean that. 

~

"Grantaire, this is your sketchbook, right? You left it at-"

"DON'T-"

"Is this me?"

"Don't fucking look in my sketchbook." You'd snapped, snatching it away and storming out. We never spoke about it again. 

I wish I'd told you I thought that painting was beautiful. 

~

"What's this?"

"I, er....well, you looked tense, so I bought you a drink."

"Oh, um-" I'd stuttered, taken aback. "Thanks, R. Really."

I wish I'd told you I looked tense because I was going through a tough time with my parents, and you buying me a drink meant more than you could know. I wish I'd told you when your hand brushed against mine to hand me the bottle of beer my heart skipped a beat. 

~

I wish I'd told you that you were beautiful no matter how convinced you were otherwise. 

I wish I'd told you I never had a favourite colour until I noticed how green your eyes were. 

I wish I'd told you that you made me feel a way I never thought I would. 

I wish I'd told you after the brief kiss we shared as the clock reached zero on New Year's Eve that I'd been waiting for that moment for months. 

I wish I'd told you I wanted to kiss you again. 

I wish I'd told you I loved you. 

I wish you'd told me you were dying. 

The night Courfeyrac called me because you'd collapsed at his flat and he needed me to drive you to A&E, I knew there was something more. It wasn't just a dizzy spell. It wasn't something small and insignificant. 

It never was with you. 

People speak about the insignificance of human existence, but those people never met you. If they did, they'd know they were wrong, because you could never be small, or meaningless. You were a star shining brightly for such a short time. 

Liver cancer. Killed by the vice that gave your life meaning. You collapsed in on yourself, like the star you were. The universe has a shitty sense of humour. 

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you. I'm sorry I didn't let us happen. Every glance across the musain that should have been a kiss, every insult that could have been a declaration of love. Every moment I wasted because I was afraid. They're all gone. I can't ever get them back. Sometimes, stars just have to die. It's the way of the universe. 

I'm not a star. I know that. I'm not significant. I'm not important. 

I can only hope that the mundane and the magnificent both go to the same place. 

If we can't be together in this life, then I can join you in the next. 

I wish I hadn't wasted our time together. 

I wish I'd told you I loved you sooner. 

I wish it didn't have to be like this. 

I wish.

**Author's Note:**

> Told you it was sad. 
> 
> Please comment with any kind of feedback, it really helps. x


End file.
